I don't know what to say....

Blogging from my iPhone. That's something new. I wasn't sure how easy it would be since safari isn't the world's easiest browser to use, but I'm pretty limited with what I can use right now as I left my laptop at home.

There is a lot going on in my head right now. Hell there has been a lot going on in my head for awhile now. What do I do? I dont know.

To err is human.....isn't that how the saying goes? But to forgive is divine? I can never remember the second half. What if that person doesn't deserve forgiveness? Does it make you godlike to forgive them? I dunno. There seems to be a lot I dunno right now. I think it's because I feel the need to ramble just to keep my mind occupied.

Does it really make a difference when you hurt someone whether it was intentional or not? If you genuinely feel remorse for what you did? Are apologies really just empty words or is there a way you can say them so they sound as sincere as they are meant to? If you really are sorry? I wish I knew.

I know I made a mistake, right from the start. I should have listened to my intuition right from the start that this was going to end badly. And there really is no one to blame for this but me, I don't have an issue admitting that. Do I wish things happened differently, yes. I think the universe felt tha it was time for me to learn what it feels like. Maybe to understand a different perspective? Not trying to justify what happened because by no means is that a fair thing to do, but just trying to make it make sense to me. I k is it doesn't make sense to you but when you ask me "Why?" it would help if I understood so I'd even have a chance at explaining it.

I fucked up and I take full responsibility for it. Even as I sit here, I can feel that ball of guilt burning inside me that will be there for a food while. I'm ashamed of myself, disgusted with myself and at a loss for words to make things better. I don't even think that's possible at this point. All I can say is I'm sorry.

To most who read this, you won't understand, so apologies for confusing you.